Who me??

Had a moment the other day when I had a few things in my head that needed doing e.g. need to buy some milk, need to make some 'for sale' signs to sell the bike, and a few other things. So I wouldn't forget what needed doing I reached for a pencil to write a L _ _ T. That's right - the four letter word starting with L and ending in T. I am quite familiar with doing these back home. I usually write one out every day - never complete what I set out to do and transfer the non-completed 'to do's' onto the new day, ad infinitum until I end up with an impossible list of tasks. Then mysteriously I'd lose what I wrote down and try to remember what I was supposed to be doing. (For all my digital existence I've never found a computerised version of the above particularly helpful).

As I went to pick up the pencil I checked myself, realising this would be the first list I have written in over 8 months. At that point I decided there weren't too many things to remember really and so I could live another couple of weeks without a list in my life. That gives you a bit of a window into the degree to which I have so totally wound down from the 'real world'. Generally there has been one thing to think about each day and I have been able to give myself physically, emotionally and spiritually to those one or two things. A simple existence indeed.

So how will I re enter the world of multi-tasking and demands of various kinds?? By God's help and grace is the short answer.

Another story. Last week I thought 'wouldn't it be great to get the other pastors who are on sabbatical together at Regent and have a time of swapping stories, encourage each other and pray for each other.' So I asked the powers at be whether they ever schedule such a time during Summer School. The answer was 'no' - but that's a 'great idea' and 'would you be able to facilitate that?'(!) "Who me??" was my heart response. I was just thinking it was a good idea. I wasn't offering to "do" anything. But long story short, we had the get together today. I did facilitate it and the sky didn't fall in. It confirmed to me what I had begun to think and it's along the lines of 'I'm actually ready to go back home. I really want to put my hand to the plow. I really want to be involved in peoples lives. I really like seeing people encouraged and grow.' To which you might reply, 'just as well!'

This is all to say - with 2 weeks left of sabbatical/leave I am feeling filled up and overflowing, encouraged and strengthened - yea verily I would say unto you - even to write a list if need be! The sabbatical has done it's 'perfect work' and although not returning with a blueprint for how life and ministry should all be happening, there is a renewed sense of groundedness, of 'just being' in connection with God which I know will guide my 'doings' in a fresh way.

mmm, now what was I supposed to do after writing my blog up????

Amazing Grace

This last week I have been doing a course in 'Contemplative Listening'. It's been a great time to stop (again) and listen to God, listen to my own heart and listen to whats going on around me, in discussions, in readings, in everyday experiences. With only two weeks left of leave/sabbatical, having this particular focus feels like I am right where I need to be right now. Here's an excerpt from my journal to give you the feel:

"Today was a day bathed in Grace...Amazing Grace. I received my listening exercise paper back. The professor had pencilled the words 'Amazing Grace' in the margin. I thought about that during the day. I thought about how gracious God has been in reaching into my life, saving me, and keeping me close to him throughout the years. I thought about his grace some more tonight as I prayed for my kids and as I walked down the beach to see tonight's sunset. I thanked God for his grace and prayed for his amazing grace to envelope them.

I found my usual log to sit on, which was about 20 meters away from a young man with a ukulele. No sooner had I sat down, thankful for the beautiful sunset, when he started to play and sing! The song?? Amazing Grace. He only played one song and that was it - all 4 verses. He had a very stilted style as if he was learning, which kind of added to the moment - God's grace being played through weakness. He then put the ukulele down, lit up a cigarette and closed his eyes. He stayed that way for a good long while.

Meanwhile I watched the sun fully set, the transition from yellows, to blood red, to a dark orange. I thought some more about God's amazing grace and about how God reached into Saul/Paul's life in such a transforming way. I thought 'this young man has got no idea how that Song has blessed me.'

As I got up to leave I called out, 'Thanks for the song'. He responded by apologizing, 'I'm sorry about that, I'm just learning'. 'No, I'm serious. Thankyou. I really enjoyed it' Oh, thanks' he says, 'I just bought the ukelele today. It's my first song'. I added, 'Well, Amazing Grace, that's a great place to start.' 'Thanks' he said again before he added, 'Enjoy the rest of your night'. 'Thankyou. You too' and I walked back up the hill."

Just Us!

It’s time for a blog – and I can think of no better topic at this point in the journey than to talk about the greatest natural wonder God has given me (…violins please….) that’s right, my incredible lifelong partner KF! What a gift it has been to share not only the last 25 years, but especially the last 3 months in enjoying her friendship away from all the demands of home, city and combined work lives.

When I first started planning my sabbatical / leave about 12 months ago I believe God gave me some special guidance in putting it together. I’m not suggesting it as ‘the’ model to follow but it has been so suited for our needs and situation, and it was this: – “bless your family, bless yourself and bless your wife.” And so I set upon planning the time in three chapters – a family holiday in NZ, 10 weeks of 3 day retreats for me and an extended time away just with Kath. Now of course I was blessed in all three chapters (and in this final chapter I’ve needed to complete several units of study), but the focus in each stage has followed the plan that was set.

Together we have skied, studied the New Testament together, prayed together, holidayed in the Canadian Rockies, gone on a cruise to Alaska and spent 4 weeks touring the North West of USA. We have missed our kids of course (do I need to say that?), but discovering each other again and our identity as a married couple, not just as parents of the same children, has been so important, significant and refreshing. I guess it has felt a bit like being ‘empty nesters’ (which we’re not yet!) realizing, ‘well, it’s just us’. These 3 months of ‘just us’ has given us a glimpse of what that time will be like, but more importantly I believe, it has laid for us a new and fresh foundation on which we can build for the NEXT 25 years.

One of the conversations we had on one of our longer journeys (through several US states) was ‘what have we learnt about one another that we didn’t really know before?’ That was interesting. Try spending 4 weeks in a home 1 metre x 3 metres. You get the picture! Another conversation topic was, ‘what have we experienced together that we want to take with us as regular practice when we return home?’ We understand that life is not lived in holiday mode but in the humdrum AND craziness of life, but there are principles and practices which we are jealous to see continue.

We trust that being away from our gorgeous, near adult, teenagers, has been a blessing for them as well as they have been able to develop areas of independence and growth that are less easily formed when mum and dad are around.

Those who know Kathy, know her boundless enthusiasm, zest for life, and abounding joy at both the ‘simple’ and the ‘staggering’. She has blessed everyone she has met. I met her getting off the bus the other day – she’d done a day tour through Yellowstone because I needed to spend a day studying for an exam - it was hugs all round and photographs with her new friends before we left! I could tell so many stories like that and will miss her when she leaves this week to return home 10 days earlier. She has been such an encourager and supporter to me in doing my studies and is so happy just to ride off on her bike somewhere to fill in her ‘alone’ time, which I have tried to keep to a minimum by the way J

‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing’ the Old Book says, which must mean that he who finds a good wife finds a very good thing!

Once again we are so thankful to our family and church community who have made it possible for us to experience ‘Chapter 3’ together. It will come to a close on Thursday then there will be 3 weeks of personal ‘epilogue’ before I am back ‘in the saddle’. Those 3 weeks will be an important time of ‘decompression’ and orientation as I prepare to re enter. I’ll let you know how I go with that via this blog over the next couple of weeks. Meanwhile, over and out, and thankyou AGAIN for your prayers, love and support which have meant so much to the both of us.

Ian (and Kathy!) x

Pointed Summits

It’s cruel I know, but this blog is being typed at the foot of the Grand Tetons, which are a collection of mountain peaks in south-west Wyoming. They rise thousands of feet from an open plain and are as majestic as they are tall. They have height and rise to a point to proclaim, ‘I am a REAL mountain’.

Sabbatical in North America, including Canada and ten U.S states, has provided many of these ‘selah’ moments to stop, look and contemplate the greatness of God in his creation. Even something as small as a wildflower on a hiking trail declares the beauty and immanence of a God who is constantly speaking.

Each National Park we have visited begins with a regulation stop at the Visitors Centre. Our routine starts by watching the park’s orientation DVD. They are all 22 minutes long and are generally very well done. Although, if it comes at the end of a long drive, I sometimes miss the final 21 minutes. Seriously though, they are of excellent quality, except for one thing, they focus on the science and geology of the region with special attention to “glaciers”. I have decided that there is a word starting with ‘G’ that is the answer for everything, and it’s not God! Yes, glaciers are claiming credit for majestic mountains, towering waterfalls, rushing rivers, wide open meadows and valleys, and of course displaced boulders that end up in weird areas. Some happened tens of thousands of years ago; others millions of years ago. If it weren’t for these glaciers, we simply wouldn’t have what we have to marvel at. I, like everyone else at the end of the 22 minute film, leave in awe and wonder to the ‘Big G’.

Now of course, I’m being facetious to make a point, and I’m not naïve enough to believe that glaciers aren’t responsible for some weird and wonderful geological formations, and of course I don’t expect the National Parks to conclude each doco with a rendition of “How Great Thou Art”…BUT, I do like to take many moments in the day to look down, look around, look up, and say, “God, you are amazing – your power, your creativity, your wisdom, your strength, your love and your faithfulness are all around me.” (Psalm 8, Psalm 19, and Romans 1).

Sometime I’d like to write devotional material that would have a picture of some aspect of God’s creation on one side, followed by a bible based devotion on the other. For it is certainly true that the heavens declare the ‘glory of God’.

Just near to where I am sitting is a plaque in honour of Fritiof Fryxell who wrote a book on the Teton mountain landscape. He reflects specifically on part of the range called the “Cathedral Group”:

‘These peaks have been called the Cathedral Group…more evident here than in many of the great cathedrals of men is the Gothic note. It is seen in the profiles of countless firs and spruces congregated like worshippers on the lower slopes; it reappears higher in the converging lines of spire rising beyond spire; it attains supreme expression in the figures of the peaks themselves that, towering above all else, with pointed summits direct one’s vision and thoughts yet higher.’

The study of glaciers and science in general, doesn’t need to be in conflict with the Christian faith, but when any field of study becomes an end in itself we end up worshipping the ‘created’, rather than the ‘Creator’. That’s a temptation for all nature lovers, including myself, but Fryxell’s “pointed summits” call us higher to the source of life itself.

Rejoice with those who Rejoice, and mourn...

This last week for me has been incredible. It's been very much like a second honeymoon, as Kathy and I have travelled down the Icefields Parkway from Jasper to Banff in Alberta, Canada. It is simply stunning in every way and I got to the point where I couldn't take any more in. The sheer size, scope and beauty of it all was literally overwhelming. The man at the Hertz office in Banff said, 'oh, you're going to Alaska! Then you ain't seen nothing yet. Wait till you get to Alaska!' Huh??? I don't know I can cope with all this. I'm really thankful my aussie friend across the border lent me his guitar because I find with all this INPUT I need to OUTPUT. I need to express God's brilliance and my dependence in some way, ANY way! Just to be able to play music helps me to cogitate.

So all of the above, PLUS: time in a hot tub, a long breakfast, walks through the forest, reflections by an alpine lake, captivated by wilderness beasties, or the flurries of a late spring snowfall - cause one to pause and rejoice, both in God and in the goodness he 'lavishes' (love that word from Ephesians 1).

THEN parallel to all this I carry in my heart a song in a different key. Not unlike the 'paralympics' - where the physically challenged games run alongside the able-bodied games, this parallel song has run beside me since December. It's the song of the suffering. Not as a concept but in the people I think and pray for every day.

It all came into focus for me when the wife of a man I had planned to visit on retreat emailed me to tell me how that would not be possible because of a sudden turn of ill health he was experiencing. His condition was life threatening and it took weeks for him to move from 'critical' to 'stable' and just when we all thought he was out of the woods in April, he moved back into 'critical' again. He is now scheduled for a major operation in a few days time and is again very much part of my prayers and thoughts.

There are others close to me who are suffering in various ways. Being on sabbatical (and for the most part - very much enjoying myself!) doesn't diminish the sense of connection I feel to them. In some ways it magnifies it, because I've become more sensitized. In the case of my friend who I referred to earlier I find myself thinking and praying for him often.

It's strange in some ways to be revelling in such blessing (in Sabbatical) whilst simultaneously carrying a sense of the suffering of others.

Withdrawal and engagement. Not one without the other.

It's about 'rejoicing with those who rejoice' and 'mourning with those who mourn'. I am finding it is possible to fully do both. It's been a helpful lesson in both receiving blessing while giving mercy.

'My words give life!' - Jesus

I am loving being at Regent (half way through doing New Testament right now), but I have put a bit more pressure on myself by the fact that I have brought unfinished studies at Morling from Sydney to Canada. So, I am doing Old Testament all morning, New Testament all afternoon and trying to finish an essay at nights. My essay question is 'what is the relationship between the Abrahamic, Sinaitic and Davidic covenants?' I have read hundreds of pages from various books, made copious notes, done lots of good highlighting etc etc AND tried to start the essay which is due in about 6 hours...BUT I could just not get a flow on it. I was boring myself with my writing style and trying to base an essay on what everyone else says was giving me no life at all.

So I started asking God in the midst of this fog....Lord, you came up with the covenants, you tell me how they're linked! Meanwhile, I struggled along, trying to get my word count up - some of you know the feeling.

Now as it turns out I used my retreats in Feb and March to read through the Old Testament and made my own notes on covenant. It was a rich time and I felt I was understanding it for the first time...that was until I started reading all the theological books!! So many theories, so many 'ologies' of different kinds. As Ecclesiastes says, 'much study wearies the body'.

Anyway, this morning I wake, around 4am and I'm like: "How are they linked?? I’ll tell you how they’re linked!" What follows is what I wrote down. Now all I need is to drop a few fancy quotes from respectable books and theologians and I might end up with a decent essay! But even if I fail, I'll end up with a great 4 week sermon series!!

The three covenants to Abraham, at Sinai and to David can be summed up in the phrase, ‘the desires of God.’

Firstly there is the desire of God for relationship – he pursues, his initiative, marriage as a metaphor, father/son as a metaphor. To be “their God”. You will be “my people”.  The exclusivity of that relationship, ‘You were shown these things so that you might know that the Lord is God; besides him there is no other.’ In that relationship he longs to bless and bring fruitfulness.

Inseparably linked to the above is God’s desire is that men and women might walk with him in obedience. Faith, Obligations, obedience and worship are the appropriate responses to this initiative from God and they maintain the relationship. As we shall see, there is the constant failing of his people to live up to their side of the agreement. Even though at one level they then miss out on relationship, even to the point of suffering exile as a consequence. The mediators of the covenants (Abraham, Moses, David) walked with God, but the beneficiaries did not. ‘in spite of this you did not trust in the Lord your God’ Deut 1:32.

Thirdly there is the desire of God for the nations. God’s purpose for humanity finds its sharpest focus in his calling to Abraham and to his physical descendants, the Israelites, but from the earliest covenants we see that his ultimate desire is to bless the nations.

Fourthly, the desire of God to have all things fulfilled in Christ. He is the seed of Abraham, He is the Word (torah) that came down from heaven, and he sits on David’s throne as the eternal king. It is only possible to see the relationship between the covenants in looking at him.

Filled to Flow

Tomorrow I start a 2 week course in 'New Testament Foundations' which together with the accompanying readings, papers and exam, will go towards my theological studies back in Sydney. I have been busily doing the pre course readings. They recommend 60 hours, but it will be closer to 80 before I've finished I think. Part of me says, 'why didn't I do all these studies years ago?'. My brain probably could have coped better, and I could have been using my sabbatical to write some piece of learned material that people would sit back and read and say, 'what a wise old man that Freestone is.' But alas, I find myself a humble student feeling totally dwarfed by the scope of peoples ability to research, write and present material, much of which I haven't given the faintest thought for. Some would suggest the study of theology is a waste of time and that we should just be out there 'doing the stuff'. But as one who has been 'doing the stuff' for quite a while without a solid theological framework I am so appreciating the opportunity to step back and give some serious thought to how we came to have this wonderful bible in all its diversity, why people wrote what they did, the way they did and what it all means for me and my world in the 21st century.

This last week was such a blessing. Regent College hosted a pastors conference, attended by around 150 pastors, mainly from North America but a sprinkling of other nations represented. Entitled, 'Overflow - Spiritual Rhythms and Practices that draw from Christ's Fullness', I am abbreviating it to 'FILLED TO FLOW'. One excellent speaker (of which there were four) spoke of our number one job as pastors: "to so live in Christ that we live and serve out of the fullness of Christ".

I was excited to attend this conference because the focus wasn't on how to "do" ministry, but how to "live" in Christ which has been a big theme of my own sabbatical journey. I'll just note some impressions and observations:

- I've never heard a more thorough, truly inspiring, spiritually profound, exposition of Colossians 1:15-20. In fact I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone teach the bible like I heard Ross Hastings preach on the first morning. It made my sermon preparation look shallow and lazy. I don't say that to condemn myself but it certainly was a motivating challenge to ensure that when I have opportunity to teach God's word that I do the best I can do under the anointing of the Holy Spirit.

- It stopped me in my tracks (again!). Over the last four weeks I have found myself starting to think strategically about church, leadership, ministry and evangelism. (That's been good actually as I've been encouraged that at least I have the mental energy and spiritual motivation to turn my heart and mind towards church life in a practical way). BUT, it was helpful just to stop again and think, 'as helpful as all that thinking might be, my number one job is to so live in Christ that I live and serve out of the fullness of Christ.' A big part of this is of course personal prayer and bible reading. Certainly this is something I have given attention to over the last 12 months, but once again, especially in hearing the speakers share of their own life and habits, I thought, 'man, I have so much to learn - so much to grow in'. How dare I start to think about what I'm going to "do" unless I am prepared for the personal cost (but ultimate pleasure) in really setting aside decent time to seek God (for God's sake) in daily life. One of the speakers shared how he has made it his habit over 39 years to read the OT through once each year and the NT twice each year. Yep, that's 39 times through the OT and 78 times through the NT. The inspirational factor in this is the guy just OOZES God and his Word. It is so obvious he is FILLED and he is FLOWING. I recommitted myself to be a leader who first dwells in Christ. A lot of the 'strategy' type questions that I end up having fall into place (I'm sure) as you make the No1 thing, the number one thing.

- There's more I could say about the conference, but that's probably the main things for me personally. The worship was conservative in some ways, in terms of style, more contemplative I guess, and at times liturgical, but very much filled with the Spirit, rich and uplifting.

We had a 'soaking prayer' time one night, an hour of worship, intercessors who went around and prayed for everybody and prayer ministry for any who desired. I got a dose of that, so that was a good thing. It's been wonderful sharing the week with KF. She's a terrific soulmate and spiritual encouragement and I am one very blessed person with her in my life. We are really enjoying one anothers company.

FINALLY, as a ps, we went to an African Pentecostal Church this morning. The pastor and his pregnant wife arrived in Vancouver from Ghana 20 years ago with $5 in his pocket, nowhere to stay, and a call to plant a church. Wow - the fruit of obedience. Wonderful church, 60 nations represented, and we were hosted by one of the elders and his wife, with an invitation to return and share with their young marrieds.

And can this guy preach!? Wow. He ended up doing a masters at Regent and then went to another theo college in the States and got his PhD. Quite a story.