Who me??

Had a moment the other day when I had a few things in my head that needed doing e.g. need to buy some milk, need to make some 'for sale' signs to sell the bike, and a few other things. So I wouldn't forget what needed doing I reached for a pencil to write a L _ _ T. That's right - the four letter word starting with L and ending in T. I am quite familiar with doing these back home. I usually write one out every day - never complete what I set out to do and transfer the non-completed 'to do's' onto the new day, ad infinitum until I end up with an impossible list of tasks. Then mysteriously I'd lose what I wrote down and try to remember what I was supposed to be doing. (For all my digital existence I've never found a computerised version of the above particularly helpful).

As I went to pick up the pencil I checked myself, realising this would be the first list I have written in over 8 months. At that point I decided there weren't too many things to remember really and so I could live another couple of weeks without a list in my life. That gives you a bit of a window into the degree to which I have so totally wound down from the 'real world'. Generally there has been one thing to think about each day and I have been able to give myself physically, emotionally and spiritually to those one or two things. A simple existence indeed.

So how will I re enter the world of multi-tasking and demands of various kinds?? By God's help and grace is the short answer.

Another story. Last week I thought 'wouldn't it be great to get the other pastors who are on sabbatical together at Regent and have a time of swapping stories, encourage each other and pray for each other.' So I asked the powers at be whether they ever schedule such a time during Summer School. The answer was 'no' - but that's a 'great idea' and 'would you be able to facilitate that?'(!) "Who me??" was my heart response. I was just thinking it was a good idea. I wasn't offering to "do" anything. But long story short, we had the get together today. I did facilitate it and the sky didn't fall in. It confirmed to me what I had begun to think and it's along the lines of 'I'm actually ready to go back home. I really want to put my hand to the plow. I really want to be involved in peoples lives. I really like seeing people encouraged and grow.' To which you might reply, 'just as well!'

This is all to say - with 2 weeks left of sabbatical/leave I am feeling filled up and overflowing, encouraged and strengthened - yea verily I would say unto you - even to write a list if need be! The sabbatical has done it's 'perfect work' and although not returning with a blueprint for how life and ministry should all be happening, there is a renewed sense of groundedness, of 'just being' in connection with God which I know will guide my 'doings' in a fresh way.

mmm, now what was I supposed to do after writing my blog up????

Amazing Grace

This last week I have been doing a course in 'Contemplative Listening'. It's been a great time to stop (again) and listen to God, listen to my own heart and listen to whats going on around me, in discussions, in readings, in everyday experiences. With only two weeks left of leave/sabbatical, having this particular focus feels like I am right where I need to be right now. Here's an excerpt from my journal to give you the feel:

"Today was a day bathed in Grace...Amazing Grace. I received my listening exercise paper back. The professor had pencilled the words 'Amazing Grace' in the margin. I thought about that during the day. I thought about how gracious God has been in reaching into my life, saving me, and keeping me close to him throughout the years. I thought about his grace some more tonight as I prayed for my kids and as I walked down the beach to see tonight's sunset. I thanked God for his grace and prayed for his amazing grace to envelope them.

I found my usual log to sit on, which was about 20 meters away from a young man with a ukulele. No sooner had I sat down, thankful for the beautiful sunset, when he started to play and sing! The song?? Amazing Grace. He only played one song and that was it - all 4 verses. He had a very stilted style as if he was learning, which kind of added to the moment - God's grace being played through weakness. He then put the ukulele down, lit up a cigarette and closed his eyes. He stayed that way for a good long while.

Meanwhile I watched the sun fully set, the transition from yellows, to blood red, to a dark orange. I thought some more about God's amazing grace and about how God reached into Saul/Paul's life in such a transforming way. I thought 'this young man has got no idea how that Song has blessed me.'

As I got up to leave I called out, 'Thanks for the song'. He responded by apologizing, 'I'm sorry about that, I'm just learning'. 'No, I'm serious. Thankyou. I really enjoyed it' Oh, thanks' he says, 'I just bought the ukelele today. It's my first song'. I added, 'Well, Amazing Grace, that's a great place to start.' 'Thanks' he said again before he added, 'Enjoy the rest of your night'. 'Thankyou. You too' and I walked back up the hill."

Just Us!

It’s time for a blog – and I can think of no better topic at this point in the journey than to talk about the greatest natural wonder God has given me (…violins please….) that’s right, my incredible lifelong partner KF! What a gift it has been to share not only the last 25 years, but especially the last 3 months in enjoying her friendship away from all the demands of home, city and combined work lives.

When I first started planning my sabbatical / leave about 12 months ago I believe God gave me some special guidance in putting it together. I’m not suggesting it as ‘the’ model to follow but it has been so suited for our needs and situation, and it was this: – “bless your family, bless yourself and bless your wife.” And so I set upon planning the time in three chapters – a family holiday in NZ, 10 weeks of 3 day retreats for me and an extended time away just with Kath. Now of course I was blessed in all three chapters (and in this final chapter I’ve needed to complete several units of study), but the focus in each stage has followed the plan that was set.

Together we have skied, studied the New Testament together, prayed together, holidayed in the Canadian Rockies, gone on a cruise to Alaska and spent 4 weeks touring the North West of USA. We have missed our kids of course (do I need to say that?), but discovering each other again and our identity as a married couple, not just as parents of the same children, has been so important, significant and refreshing. I guess it has felt a bit like being ‘empty nesters’ (which we’re not yet!) realizing, ‘well, it’s just us’. These 3 months of ‘just us’ has given us a glimpse of what that time will be like, but more importantly I believe, it has laid for us a new and fresh foundation on which we can build for the NEXT 25 years.

One of the conversations we had on one of our longer journeys (through several US states) was ‘what have we learnt about one another that we didn’t really know before?’ That was interesting. Try spending 4 weeks in a home 1 metre x 3 metres. You get the picture! Another conversation topic was, ‘what have we experienced together that we want to take with us as regular practice when we return home?’ We understand that life is not lived in holiday mode but in the humdrum AND craziness of life, but there are principles and practices which we are jealous to see continue.

We trust that being away from our gorgeous, near adult, teenagers, has been a blessing for them as well as they have been able to develop areas of independence and growth that are less easily formed when mum and dad are around.

Those who know Kathy, know her boundless enthusiasm, zest for life, and abounding joy at both the ‘simple’ and the ‘staggering’. She has blessed everyone she has met. I met her getting off the bus the other day – she’d done a day tour through Yellowstone because I needed to spend a day studying for an exam - it was hugs all round and photographs with her new friends before we left! I could tell so many stories like that and will miss her when she leaves this week to return home 10 days earlier. She has been such an encourager and supporter to me in doing my studies and is so happy just to ride off on her bike somewhere to fill in her ‘alone’ time, which I have tried to keep to a minimum by the way J

‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing’ the Old Book says, which must mean that he who finds a good wife finds a very good thing!

Once again we are so thankful to our family and church community who have made it possible for us to experience ‘Chapter 3’ together. It will come to a close on Thursday then there will be 3 weeks of personal ‘epilogue’ before I am back ‘in the saddle’. Those 3 weeks will be an important time of ‘decompression’ and orientation as I prepare to re enter. I’ll let you know how I go with that via this blog over the next couple of weeks. Meanwhile, over and out, and thankyou AGAIN for your prayers, love and support which have meant so much to the both of us.

Ian (and Kathy!) x

Pointed Summits

It’s cruel I know, but this blog is being typed at the foot of the Grand Tetons, which are a collection of mountain peaks in south-west Wyoming. They rise thousands of feet from an open plain and are as majestic as they are tall. They have height and rise to a point to proclaim, ‘I am a REAL mountain’.

Sabbatical in North America, including Canada and ten U.S states, has provided many of these ‘selah’ moments to stop, look and contemplate the greatness of God in his creation. Even something as small as a wildflower on a hiking trail declares the beauty and immanence of a God who is constantly speaking.

Each National Park we have visited begins with a regulation stop at the Visitors Centre. Our routine starts by watching the park’s orientation DVD. They are all 22 minutes long and are generally very well done. Although, if it comes at the end of a long drive, I sometimes miss the final 21 minutes. Seriously though, they are of excellent quality, except for one thing, they focus on the science and geology of the region with special attention to “glaciers”. I have decided that there is a word starting with ‘G’ that is the answer for everything, and it’s not God! Yes, glaciers are claiming credit for majestic mountains, towering waterfalls, rushing rivers, wide open meadows and valleys, and of course displaced boulders that end up in weird areas. Some happened tens of thousands of years ago; others millions of years ago. If it weren’t for these glaciers, we simply wouldn’t have what we have to marvel at. I, like everyone else at the end of the 22 minute film, leave in awe and wonder to the ‘Big G’.

Now of course, I’m being facetious to make a point, and I’m not naïve enough to believe that glaciers aren’t responsible for some weird and wonderful geological formations, and of course I don’t expect the National Parks to conclude each doco with a rendition of “How Great Thou Art”…BUT, I do like to take many moments in the day to look down, look around, look up, and say, “God, you are amazing – your power, your creativity, your wisdom, your strength, your love and your faithfulness are all around me.” (Psalm 8, Psalm 19, and Romans 1).

Sometime I’d like to write devotional material that would have a picture of some aspect of God’s creation on one side, followed by a bible based devotion on the other. For it is certainly true that the heavens declare the ‘glory of God’.

Just near to where I am sitting is a plaque in honour of Fritiof Fryxell who wrote a book on the Teton mountain landscape. He reflects specifically on part of the range called the “Cathedral Group”:

‘These peaks have been called the Cathedral Group…more evident here than in many of the great cathedrals of men is the Gothic note. It is seen in the profiles of countless firs and spruces congregated like worshippers on the lower slopes; it reappears higher in the converging lines of spire rising beyond spire; it attains supreme expression in the figures of the peaks themselves that, towering above all else, with pointed summits direct one’s vision and thoughts yet higher.’

The study of glaciers and science in general, doesn’t need to be in conflict with the Christian faith, but when any field of study becomes an end in itself we end up worshipping the ‘created’, rather than the ‘Creator’. That’s a temptation for all nature lovers, including myself, but Fryxell’s “pointed summits” call us higher to the source of life itself.

Rejoice with those who Rejoice, and mourn...

This last week for me has been incredible. It's been very much like a second honeymoon, as Kathy and I have travelled down the Icefields Parkway from Jasper to Banff in Alberta, Canada. It is simply stunning in every way and I got to the point where I couldn't take any more in. The sheer size, scope and beauty of it all was literally overwhelming. The man at the Hertz office in Banff said, 'oh, you're going to Alaska! Then you ain't seen nothing yet. Wait till you get to Alaska!' Huh??? I don't know I can cope with all this. I'm really thankful my aussie friend across the border lent me his guitar because I find with all this INPUT I need to OUTPUT. I need to express God's brilliance and my dependence in some way, ANY way! Just to be able to play music helps me to cogitate.

So all of the above, PLUS: time in a hot tub, a long breakfast, walks through the forest, reflections by an alpine lake, captivated by wilderness beasties, or the flurries of a late spring snowfall - cause one to pause and rejoice, both in God and in the goodness he 'lavishes' (love that word from Ephesians 1).

THEN parallel to all this I carry in my heart a song in a different key. Not unlike the 'paralympics' - where the physically challenged games run alongside the able-bodied games, this parallel song has run beside me since December. It's the song of the suffering. Not as a concept but in the people I think and pray for every day.

It all came into focus for me when the wife of a man I had planned to visit on retreat emailed me to tell me how that would not be possible because of a sudden turn of ill health he was experiencing. His condition was life threatening and it took weeks for him to move from 'critical' to 'stable' and just when we all thought he was out of the woods in April, he moved back into 'critical' again. He is now scheduled for a major operation in a few days time and is again very much part of my prayers and thoughts.

There are others close to me who are suffering in various ways. Being on sabbatical (and for the most part - very much enjoying myself!) doesn't diminish the sense of connection I feel to them. In some ways it magnifies it, because I've become more sensitized. In the case of my friend who I referred to earlier I find myself thinking and praying for him often.

It's strange in some ways to be revelling in such blessing (in Sabbatical) whilst simultaneously carrying a sense of the suffering of others.

Withdrawal and engagement. Not one without the other.

It's about 'rejoicing with those who rejoice' and 'mourning with those who mourn'. I am finding it is possible to fully do both. It's been a helpful lesson in both receiving blessing while giving mercy.

'My words give life!' - Jesus

I am loving being at Regent (half way through doing New Testament right now), but I have put a bit more pressure on myself by the fact that I have brought unfinished studies at Morling from Sydney to Canada. So, I am doing Old Testament all morning, New Testament all afternoon and trying to finish an essay at nights. My essay question is 'what is the relationship between the Abrahamic, Sinaitic and Davidic covenants?' I have read hundreds of pages from various books, made copious notes, done lots of good highlighting etc etc AND tried to start the essay which is due in about 6 hours...BUT I could just not get a flow on it. I was boring myself with my writing style and trying to base an essay on what everyone else says was giving me no life at all.

So I started asking God in the midst of this fog....Lord, you came up with the covenants, you tell me how they're linked! Meanwhile, I struggled along, trying to get my word count up - some of you know the feeling.

Now as it turns out I used my retreats in Feb and March to read through the Old Testament and made my own notes on covenant. It was a rich time and I felt I was understanding it for the first time...that was until I started reading all the theological books!! So many theories, so many 'ologies' of different kinds. As Ecclesiastes says, 'much study wearies the body'.

Anyway, this morning I wake, around 4am and I'm like: "How are they linked?? I’ll tell you how they’re linked!" What follows is what I wrote down. Now all I need is to drop a few fancy quotes from respectable books and theologians and I might end up with a decent essay! But even if I fail, I'll end up with a great 4 week sermon series!!

The three covenants to Abraham, at Sinai and to David can be summed up in the phrase, ‘the desires of God.’

Firstly there is the desire of God for relationship – he pursues, his initiative, marriage as a metaphor, father/son as a metaphor. To be “their God”. You will be “my people”.  The exclusivity of that relationship, ‘You were shown these things so that you might know that the Lord is God; besides him there is no other.’ In that relationship he longs to bless and bring fruitfulness.

Inseparably linked to the above is God’s desire is that men and women might walk with him in obedience. Faith, Obligations, obedience and worship are the appropriate responses to this initiative from God and they maintain the relationship. As we shall see, there is the constant failing of his people to live up to their side of the agreement. Even though at one level they then miss out on relationship, even to the point of suffering exile as a consequence. The mediators of the covenants (Abraham, Moses, David) walked with God, but the beneficiaries did not. ‘in spite of this you did not trust in the Lord your God’ Deut 1:32.

Thirdly there is the desire of God for the nations. God’s purpose for humanity finds its sharpest focus in his calling to Abraham and to his physical descendants, the Israelites, but from the earliest covenants we see that his ultimate desire is to bless the nations.

Fourthly, the desire of God to have all things fulfilled in Christ. He is the seed of Abraham, He is the Word (torah) that came down from heaven, and he sits on David’s throne as the eternal king. It is only possible to see the relationship between the covenants in looking at him.

Filled to Flow

Tomorrow I start a 2 week course in 'New Testament Foundations' which together with the accompanying readings, papers and exam, will go towards my theological studies back in Sydney. I have been busily doing the pre course readings. They recommend 60 hours, but it will be closer to 80 before I've finished I think. Part of me says, 'why didn't I do all these studies years ago?'. My brain probably could have coped better, and I could have been using my sabbatical to write some piece of learned material that people would sit back and read and say, 'what a wise old man that Freestone is.' But alas, I find myself a humble student feeling totally dwarfed by the scope of peoples ability to research, write and present material, much of which I haven't given the faintest thought for. Some would suggest the study of theology is a waste of time and that we should just be out there 'doing the stuff'. But as one who has been 'doing the stuff' for quite a while without a solid theological framework I am so appreciating the opportunity to step back and give some serious thought to how we came to have this wonderful bible in all its diversity, why people wrote what they did, the way they did and what it all means for me and my world in the 21st century.

This last week was such a blessing. Regent College hosted a pastors conference, attended by around 150 pastors, mainly from North America but a sprinkling of other nations represented. Entitled, 'Overflow - Spiritual Rhythms and Practices that draw from Christ's Fullness', I am abbreviating it to 'FILLED TO FLOW'. One excellent speaker (of which there were four) spoke of our number one job as pastors: "to so live in Christ that we live and serve out of the fullness of Christ".

I was excited to attend this conference because the focus wasn't on how to "do" ministry, but how to "live" in Christ which has been a big theme of my own sabbatical journey. I'll just note some impressions and observations:

- I've never heard a more thorough, truly inspiring, spiritually profound, exposition of Colossians 1:15-20. In fact I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone teach the bible like I heard Ross Hastings preach on the first morning. It made my sermon preparation look shallow and lazy. I don't say that to condemn myself but it certainly was a motivating challenge to ensure that when I have opportunity to teach God's word that I do the best I can do under the anointing of the Holy Spirit.

- It stopped me in my tracks (again!). Over the last four weeks I have found myself starting to think strategically about church, leadership, ministry and evangelism. (That's been good actually as I've been encouraged that at least I have the mental energy and spiritual motivation to turn my heart and mind towards church life in a practical way). BUT, it was helpful just to stop again and think, 'as helpful as all that thinking might be, my number one job is to so live in Christ that I live and serve out of the fullness of Christ.' A big part of this is of course personal prayer and bible reading. Certainly this is something I have given attention to over the last 12 months, but once again, especially in hearing the speakers share of their own life and habits, I thought, 'man, I have so much to learn - so much to grow in'. How dare I start to think about what I'm going to "do" unless I am prepared for the personal cost (but ultimate pleasure) in really setting aside decent time to seek God (for God's sake) in daily life. One of the speakers shared how he has made it his habit over 39 years to read the OT through once each year and the NT twice each year. Yep, that's 39 times through the OT and 78 times through the NT. The inspirational factor in this is the guy just OOZES God and his Word. It is so obvious he is FILLED and he is FLOWING. I recommitted myself to be a leader who first dwells in Christ. A lot of the 'strategy' type questions that I end up having fall into place (I'm sure) as you make the No1 thing, the number one thing.

- There's more I could say about the conference, but that's probably the main things for me personally. The worship was conservative in some ways, in terms of style, more contemplative I guess, and at times liturgical, but very much filled with the Spirit, rich and uplifting.

We had a 'soaking prayer' time one night, an hour of worship, intercessors who went around and prayed for everybody and prayer ministry for any who desired. I got a dose of that, so that was a good thing. It's been wonderful sharing the week with KF. She's a terrific soulmate and spiritual encouragement and I am one very blessed person with her in my life. We are really enjoying one anothers company.

FINALLY, as a ps, we went to an African Pentecostal Church this morning. The pastor and his pregnant wife arrived in Vancouver from Ghana 20 years ago with $5 in his pocket, nowhere to stay, and a call to plant a church. Wow - the fruit of obedience. Wonderful church, 60 nations represented, and we were hosted by one of the elders and his wife, with an invitation to return and share with their young marrieds.

And can this guy preach!? Wow. He ended up doing a masters at Regent and then went to another theo college in the States and got his PhD. Quite a story.

New. Start. Gather. Teach. These are a few of my favourite things

[sorry, this is long, but you need the whole thing to appreciate the full context].

I have just heard news that I have been 'endorsed' by the Church Army as an evangelist. I was 'commissioned' as a Church Army officer in 1989 and served in the context of the Anglican Church for 4 years, but several years after starting Ruach (an independent house church network), and moving outside the Anglican system, I felt it was best to resign my commission. So here's some background to realigning myself with Church Army.

From an early age I was inspired by the stories of missionaries - (yes, the 'deepest darkest in Africa' types) and had a general fascination concerning pioneers in various fields, particularly explorers. My pulse ran quicker when I thought about doing something that hadn't been done, going somewhere where noone had gone or discovering the undiscovered. The concept of crossing cultures has always resonated strongly with me.

After training as a teacher I was fully planning to go overseas as a missionary. To cut a long story short, that didn't happen but staying in Australia seemed puzzling to me because God knew I was willing to go anywhere! Meanwhile I was developing a growing conviction that I was to serve God as a missionary within Australia. The sense I had (and still have) was that church was a 'foreign' place to many Australians and that what was needed were models of church that were more accessible to 'ordinary Aussies'. This thinking led to me training as an evangelist with Church Army for two years. Within this time the vision for planting and growing house churches emerged and I have served in this style of ministry until today. For me, house churches provide an opportunity to see people develop faith in the context of community as well as reaching out to people along relational lines. It is a missionary model of church alongside other missionary models of church that have risen up across Australia over the last 30 years in response to a growing realization that we live in a post Christian era. I have seen how God has used that missionary-pioneering spirit in me to start a new movement, begin new house churches, and introduce people to faith. I have also loved leading people into discovering new things about God and seeing them grow.

As Ruach developed a life of its own beyond the Anglican church, I subsequently made a decision in the latter part of the 90s to 'resign my commission' with Church Army, but my essential call as a missionary/evangelist never left me.

An interesting evening in Tekapo.....

(the following is from my journal of Jan 4 this year)

"On the evening of Jan 3rd while overnighting at Tekapo New Zealand, I had a strong sense of God speaking to me.

This was strange in some respects, in that it was totally unexpected. I had no agenda that God would speak to me about my future during sabbatical. I thought perhaps he may do so, and if he did it would probably be as I prepared to re-enter normal life, sometime during July. So to have the Lord speak to me exactly one month into an 8 month break came as a surprise. In fact I did a bit of research about 'Tekapo' feeling that the place itself would give some confirmation that indeed I had heard from God. What I discovered is that Tekapo is known worldwide as a place of little atmospheric interference and that it is used as an astronomical observatory to see what normally cannot be seen. There is very little local pollution. I can well imagine the Christians of Tekapo claiming this prophetically in their prayers - that those who come to Tekapo would see things in the Spirit they hadn't seen before, that Tekapo might be for many a place of revelation. I hadn't specifically heard God speak to me in terms of 'calling' since 1989 when I heard the Lord about 'house churches'.

In brief the word was that my primary calling was that of an evangelist. I had a dream within the dream which involved Church Army. I was approaching them about being recommissioned as an evangelist within the Church Army. I am not sure whether this aspect is to be taken literally or not- it could simply be a call to renew my work as an evangelist and make that my focus, or it could be that I am to link up with Church Army again." [the Lord said some other things that night, but they aren't relevant to this blog].

(journal contd)

"I believe I am to surrender this entire word to the Lord. To 'put it on the shelf' as it were. I now have something that I can either have confirmed or changed as God reveals his wisdom. I can now 'relax' in my thoughts to a large degree because there is a sense in which God has spoken early on in my sabbatical." (end of journal from January)

Fast forward a couple of months to March 2012, and I'm heading up to the Blue Mountains for one of my 3 day retreats. My destination is 'Kihilla' where I figure I can probably get a room for a couple of nights.

Here's my journal entry from March...

"Well, I couldn't believe it, I roll into Kihilla, get out of the car, meet up with Peter Adkins who then introduces me to Martin Morgan the new boss of CA. I wasn't even thinking about the 'Church Army' connection when planning to stay at Kihilla and the last person I expected to be seeing was CA's boss. He then says, 'Ian Freestone! I've been meaning to speak to you. I have an issue I want to talk with you about. I want to ask you to be endorsed evangelist in Church Army'. My head is just going, 'what???' It's been over 15 years since I've left CA and no director has ever approached me to 'rejoin' and I had never had interest in rejoining CA, even with (good mate) Tim as Director, I never spoke to him about joining up again. So I said to him, 'well, that's interesting. I should tell you my side of the story.' So later that day we met up and chatted and prayed. Martin really impressed me and shared a strong vision to 'send and support evangelists who are called to reach people beyond the existing churches across Australia with the Gospel of Jesus.' As part of that vision he is looking to re-enlist evangelists with a proven track record who have left CA for whatever reason in the past. He also shared that whilst they have an historic link of working in the Anglican context they are now strongly committed to partnering with any church or organization where they can send and support evangelists." (end of journal from March)

I prayed about this the next morning, but felt the Lord rebuke me, saying 'are you kidding? You want guidance??' So I just said, 'ok, done' and spent my retreat praying about other things.

Then this week, Martin Morgan confirmed that the Board had accepted his recommendation that I be endorsed as an evangelist with CA (they no longer commission people under the umbrella of the Anglican Church).

So what does this mean practically? I don't know for sure really but I am happy to play my part in developing a network of healthy, effective, missionary /evangelists within Australia, whatever that might look like. I am also looking forward to being freshly encouraged to keep outreach as the priority in my ministry by a network of like-minded people. And perhaps more importantly, especially in this second half of my life, I want to mentor and equip those who have a heart and vision to connect with people seeking God.

By means of a postscript I would like to add a word the Lord gave to me last night. He said, "the harvester always tells the workers exactly what he wants them to do." Often we seek God's guidance about various things, and often we don't know quite where he is directing us, but in our role as workers in his vineyard we can expect that God will not leave us in the dark as to who to talk with, what to say and how to say it. It is the Lord's harvest, and he wants it gathered in.

SHUTUP AND LISTEN

Well, according to Google Maps I have driven 1866kms in the last week. For your average truckie, this would be the equivalent of a trip to the corner store, but living as I do on the insular peninsula, 1866kms is a long way. I certainly don't remember the last time I drove any long distance on my own. It was I suggest to you an event of sheer bloggable proportions!

My 6 days retreat was a combination of some wonderful catchups with some fantastic people, most of whom I haven't seen in decades, and some extended personal time behind the wheel of the car. Normally I would put the radio on, instead I discovered Christian podcasts.

I have had my head in the Old Testament of late and the number one theme coming through is "covenant". So, I went onto itunes before I left Sydney and did a search on podcasts on the topic. There were dozens of talks on covenant, mainly Sunday sermons from a wide range of churches. So with reckless abandon (after all, they are 'free'), I downloaded a bunch of them and listened to them over 24 hours of driving, with 2 hourly breaks to 'inwardly digest' and 'act upon' (tongue firmly in cheek).

Let's see...there was A.Boyd Miller the IV from the Covenant Presbyterian Church, Rev John Shearouse from the Covenant Reformed Church, Doyle R. Adams Sr from the Elizabeth Baptist Church, Steve Jones from the Evangelical Covenant Church, Dr Derek Thomas from the First Presbyterian Church, David Pawson speaking at the Hitchin Christian Centre, an un-named pastor from the Maze Presbyterian Church, Joshua Vander Klok from the Resurrection Life Church and Dr Fred ReRuvo from Study-Grow-Know Ministries.

If you want to know if I can recommend any of these...Yes! Steve Jones - brilliant.

But as you know any old Pastor Tom, Dick or Harry can create a podcast and stick it on iTunes, and the sheer number of audio talks, like the voluminous amount of e-articles on the net, are overwhelming in the extreme. As it turned out, these talks weren't too bad and I actually enjoyed listening to a range of theological perspectives on the theme of covenant, ranging from "we were born to be blessed and prosperous brothers and sisters" to "God has chosen you as his elect in covenant and there is nothing you can do about it". I also enjoyed listening to a range of preaching styles, being thoroughly bored by some and highly engaged by others. There are some seriously good preacher/teachers out there in the universe.

In the last 5 hours I was feeling a bit sleepy and I discovered the cure for fatigue at the wheel - LISTEN TO JOHN SMITH. In fact I think the roads safety campaign people should put the weblink to his talks on signage around the country. You simply cannot fall asleep listening to John Smith! For those of you who don't know Smithy, he got the God's Squad christian motorcycle club started up in Australia and it now has chapters throughout the world. He came to Christ in the Jesus Movement in the late 60s and has had a huge impact around the country. Having first heard him at the Australian Christian Music Seminars in 1984, I later had the privilege of leading his mission to Armidale and got to know him better at that time. John, now 70 years of age is a true prophet with an unquenchable fire in his bones.

So where am I going? I don't know really, it's only a blog, am I supposed to have a point?

My point would be this - In the last 15 years I have been either too proud or too busy to be blessed by the insights and teachings of other preachers and teachers. I still prefer the idea of reading the Bible more than other books and I still prefer listening to the Bible rather than mans interpretations - but at the end of the day, God has gifted men and women to expound the word and build the Church and I am the poorer for not giving at least some time in each week to being encouraged and taught beyond my own small world. I guess I'm making up for lost time. How far to Perth???

From the Abbey, part 2

My call to ministry back in the early 80s was very clear. I had been a Christian probably twelve months or so and through several encounters, each only days or weeks apart, God spoke the very same scripture to me. It was the familiar passage from Isaiah 61, repeated by Jesus in Luke 4:18-19

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to release the oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

I remember saying back to God at the time, 'But Lord, isn't this the ministry of Jesus? Isn't it presumptuous to be claiming a passage like that as applying to myself??' His response at the time into my spirit was clear and simple: 'As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.'

As I've grown in my understanding of God's word and the place of the Spirit in the life of the Church I have come to see that this passage not only applies to Jesus, but to the disciples he called to himself, and the Church as a whole. We are all called to do the works of Jesus in the power of the Spirit. But for me personally, it has become a very special passage of Scripture and one that has framed my ministry as an evangelist, as a pastor, and as someone who has stood alongside the persecuted and oppressed. I love the whole notion of liberation and seeing people brought into the freedom God has for them, in whatever form that might take. It has become my personal mission statement.

In the last couple of weeks I have thought more about the last verse: 'to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour.' The notes in my bible say,

"The year of the Lord’s favor (Grk “the acceptable year of the Lord”) is a description of the year of Jubilee (Lev 25:10). The year of the total forgiveness of debt is now turned into a metaphor for salvation. Jesus had come to proclaim that God was ready to forgive sin totally."

The Year of Jubilee was instituted by the Lord in the book of Leviticus, which I was reading on retreat two weeks ago in Berrima:

"Count off seven sabbaths of years. Count off seven times seven years. The seven sabbaths of years add up to a total of 49 years. The tenth day of the seventh month is the day when sin is paid for. On that day blow the trumpet all through your land. Set the 50th year apart. Announce freedom all over the land to everyone who lives there. The 50th year will be a Year of Jubilee for you."

Now, because I'm a bit slow - God likes to tell me the same thing 3 or 4 times in different ways. So on Wednesday, I was reading this great book on Jesus, and the author's talking about this passage in Luke 4 and he says 'Jesus was proclaiming the great Jublilee of God. By ancient tradition every 49 years the Year of Jubilee was to be declared in Israel...according to some experts, this text (originally from Isaiah) was prescribed for reading in the synagogues at the beginning of the Year of Jubilee). Ok, interesting.

Then...I have dinner last night, and after dinner I go into the little chapel here. No real reason. I wasn't planning to pray, just have a look. I found my eyes drawn towards a small poster hanging on the wall (see pic). It is entitled, 'Australian Jesuits - Call to Mission' - and you know what it says don't you? 'The Spirit of the Lord has been given to me, for the Lord has anointed me...to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour.' from Luke 4.

So here I am - by "chance" in a Jesuit retreat centre having my Luke 4 call renewed. But that's not all!!

You will not believe what tomorrow is?? My birthday. How old am I? You guessed it! 7 times 7 = 49. I will be in my own personal jubilee, my 50th year - the year of the Lord's favour - the same year in which I strangely decided (not thinking at the time) that I needed to have a BIG REST! Ok, I go back to work Aug 1 - but you get the picture, right?

So....I can only assume from this that God is saying, 'Ian Happy Birthday - this is your year of Jubilee - enjoy your rest - and receive my Spirit, that you might bring freedom and liberty to others.'

Oh yeah, then this morning the prayer exercise that I had been given was from John 20, 'as the Father has sent me, so I send you...Receive the Holy Spirit'.

From the Abbey, Part 1

Well, it's not an abbey really - in fact it's not an abbey at all - but it's the closest I've come to staying in an abbey, so an abbey it shall be. It's actually called Peter Canisius House and it is a Jesuit retreat centre following the way of Ignatius. My first impression was Jesus is everywhere! As in, statues, icons and paintings. But the longer I've stayed here (end of second day now) the more I feel he really IS here.

I am now into my 8th week of retreats (I think) and this is very different from all the others. For a start, it is a 'guided retreat' meaning that I have been appointed a 'spiritual director' - lovely Father Des, who is 70 plus (but NOT an old man dad, as we all know 70+ is not old). Speaking of old, I had a lovely chat with a very old Jesuit who was on retreat, up from Melbourne. He was 90 plus and shuffling along the corridors and very happy to see me and have a yarn. 'Ooo, house churches' he said, when I told him what I do. "Very apostolic work. Yes, very apostolic". So, yes I have a spiritual director who I meet with and he gives me various prayer exercises to do and has also given me a book to read by a Spanish priest writing about the humanity of Jesus. On all the other retreats I've done, I've kind of made it up as I've gone along - with reasonable affect - but it has been wonderful being 'guided'.

It's also different this week in that I am having a "no music" and "no study" retreat policy. I normally make time for both of these activities, but felt this time that I needed to concentrate on the process of renewal as guided by another rather than some of what I would normally do.

It's also different in that I have wireless internet and for the first time can send my blog 'on location'. Also means I've been tempted to check email a few times, but as there's rarely anything in my inbox these days that hasn't been too bad.

So what's happening? Well - for me its a time to love God with all my Heart and soul and to rediscover his love for me. I don't find it hard to love God with 'all my mind' nor do I find it hard to love him with all 'my strength' but retreats like this involve meditating, contemplating, imagining, and feeling which are all things, which while not altogether strange to me, are not my personal habit. St Ignatius was a very spiritual man and the community around him became known as the Jesuits. They are passionate about knowing and experiencing God's love and expressing it in acts of justice, so the general thrust of the exercises one is given on a retreat like this are intended to renew you in God's love - which is certainly happening.

There are only 4 of us on retreat here at the moment, so it's very quiet and generally you are expected to be silent, but the old man wanted to talk so I did. There is a Baptist pastor here on a 3 day retreat (like me) and there is another fellow half way through a 30 day retreat, which keeps me humble, I must say.

More tomorrow :)

Audio Bible Paraphrase added to blog!

If you've been following my blog, you would know that one of the things I've been doing since the middle of last year is paraphrasing Paul's letters in the New Testament - not because I thought current translations were deficient or that 'The Message' needed some improvements - but because I just wanted to have a go at putting Paul's letters in my own words. 'How would I say that if I was writing it to my church?' was the approach I was taking. I've tried to not say anything that's not in the original text but I have injected my own interpretation from time to time. So please have a listen. You can download the tracks and via the application I'm using you can share them over facebook or with others. At present I've only recorded Galatians through to Colossians. Romans and 1 Thess are also done, but still need to recorded. There's speculation over whether Hebrews is or isn't written by Paul, but I'd like to do that letter as well. I'd love you to listen and give me your thoughts.

Ian

Retracing my steps

‘Everything old is new again’. So the cliché goes. Well the last few weeks I feel like I’ve been retracing my steps. First by staying with family at “the Shire”, then by going up the mountains to stay at “Kihilla”, then (as I write this) up to one of my favourite haunts on the Northern Beaches. Yes, it’s been nostalgic to some degree, but in each place God has met with me in a new way and shown me new things. This has happened both in the ‘natural’ and in the ‘spiritual’. For instance yesterday, after visiting here for nearly 20 years, I discovered that if the tide is dead low and the swell is very small that you can walk for an hour around the rocks to the next sandy beach (just!). I discovered beautiful sandstone caves, one covered spectacularly by hanging ferns which was big enough for a group of people to camp in. I met no one on the way there or back and it had a very adventurous feel to it as I walked on my own.

Last week I ‘discovered’ the Terrace Falls walk near Hazelbrook. I’ve been visiting that area for 20 years also and done lots of walks but never done that particular one, which was all the more impressive given recent rain. Again, there was no one else walking the path and my pioneer spirit had me imagining that no one else had ever been there. Familiar places experienced in a new way. It was God’s way of saying to me,

‘It’s not about being nostalgic. Be thankful for the past, but discover the new things I have for you.’

Connected to all those thoughts I’ve been absorbing Genesis through to Deuteronomy. It’s been a real blessing (especially in fasting from news and talk back radio for nearly 12 weeks now!) to have ample time in the car when driving to and from these retreats to listen to God’s word on CD. It’s amazing how much you can get through and I don’t worry too much if I zone out for a few minutes, especially when listening to the Levitical laws or the numbers of fighting men in each tribe! But it has been so good to listen to the broad sweep of Scripture and I am receiving it and appreciating it in a new way. And to think that lil ol’ me (and you!) are caught up in this divine plan stretching through history, involving whole nations, right through to the present and into the future. It’s very sobering to consider oneself as part of such a bigger perspective. Themes of ‘covenant’ are coming through strongly and I am digging into the Word more to discover new things. “I am the Lord your God”. Wow – so much in that one (old) phrase, and so inspiring to unpack it during these retreat times.

The Israelites were on the edge of the promised land. Their parent’s generation (except for Joshua and Caleb) had all died in the wilderness. What God had done for them in parting the Red Sea and delivering them from Egypt were now second hand stories. The promises God had given to their ancestors, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, all happened so long ago and YET that history had a purpose in the present – not just to warm their hearts around the campfire, but to energize them in their relationship with God, to inflame them with a zeal to serve the Lord and freshly dedicate themselves to love the Lord with all their heart, mind, soul and strength.
So for me, it’s about retracing my steps AND ‘keeping in step’ with what God has for me today and in the future.

Ian
ps – attached some pics here - all of things I’ve never seen until now, 1) Terrace Falls 2) sunrise from Lawson. If you look carefully you can see the CBD 3) the mysterious ‘rainbow’ photo. I was talking with one of the guys in Rehab at Kihilla about the promises of God and next thing we know, on a perfectly fine day, we see this amazing rainbow in the sky.
(Click on pics to see larger image)

Fathers, Priests and Precious Stones

Last week I had a very special retreat. Unlike the previous week where I spent the time alone, this time I went to stay with my parents for 3 days.

18 months ago they sold the family home and have been living in a retirement village since then. Their health is mostly good apart from the minor maintenance issues that those nearing 80 would face. We see each other probably every 3-4 weeks in the normal course of life but I haven't had an "overnight" before.

Well, so much for the background. Anyway, on 'Day 2', after having spent a considerable part of Day 1 catching up and enjoying a mum style meal, I took myself off for a longish walk around the local Esplanade. (Dad tells me it is an Esplanade and not a Promenade!), but even as I type this I'm not sure I've got it round the right way. So, about half way along the walk, as I thanked God for the opportunity to spend time with mum and dad, took in the familiar sights of old haunts and marveled at the inevitable redevelopments that have occurred over the last 30 years since I've left home, I suddenly realised I knew of no other male in my church over the age of 25 that has the opportunity for Christian fellowship with their dad. I could only think of two that actually had Christian dads but they are both separated by considerable distance. Very few in the church, either male or female, would have committed Christian parents. As I pondered that reality I realized how incredibly blessed I am - not only to have Christian parents, but to have the opportunity for fellowship with them.

When I returned to mum and dad's that day I said to dad, "did you know..." and repeated the afternoon's revelation. For me, this last week of retreat has been about my biological family. Having some leave from work has given me fresh impetus to spend some extra time with my parents and my siblings and I thank God for that. I also thank God that in having a mum and dad who love the Lord Kathy and I have always had their support and prayers in my ministry.

(Thinking about these things made me realize afresh the importance of being a good Christian friend, and sometimes spiritual parent, to the others in my Church who don't get that support from their natural families).

On Day three I went for another walk. This time for 12k through the National Park. It is a walk I did a number of times in my youth and this time I had some great fellowship with the Lord as I pounded the trail for a few hours. Ringing in my ears was the story of Aaron going into the tabernacle wearing the breastplate with the 12 precious stones representing the tribes of Israel. God said, 'when you wear this before me I will remember my covenant with you and your descendants'. I thought of my own "precious stones"*(age 18 and 16). I was challenged afresh to see one of my fatherly roles as that of 'priest' bringing before the Lord those who are close to my heart and reminding God of his covenant of love with my descendants. There is so much in that word, 'covenant' - suffice to say, God is faithful to his promises and delights in blessing 'households'.

ps - I had a friend in my youth who had a gift for giving people nicknames. He decided my nickname would be "precious", from "Freestone" to "stones" to "precious stones", then abbreviated to "precious". It didn't really catch on, but I've never forgotten it.

pps - the pic is one of the church I was taken to as a boy and continued with till I left home at 17

Silence is loud

Last week I had the first of my 3 day retreats. The plan is to have 10 of these (one each week for 10 weeks). My location was a restored 19th century church in the Southern Highlands, NSW. It was the perfect location and just happened to be the same place I was in March last year when I first handed this crazy sabbatical idea over to the Lord saying, 'Lord, I don't know how this is all going to happen but I surrender my desires, my needs, my doubts and fears, all over to you'.

11 months later it's happening - I'm retreating!!

The drive down from Manly was full of thanks to God as I pressed play on my CD player, managing to get half way through Genesis before arriving at my destination. My decision on December 1 to have a news blackout for 8 months has been so good as my habit would be to turn on the radio in the car, or at least turn it on to catch the news. Just having focused time listening to God's word is so good.

The one thing that struck me above all else in being away for 3 days was the lack of noise, as in the lack of conversation, the lack of people. I've just come off 7 weeks of family, family, family 24/7. Which has been wonderful, don't get me wrong, but I was totally unprepared for what silence sounded like. It was really strange. I'd find myself talking to myself a bit as in, 'now where's the coffee plunger?' and other out loud thoughts. Other times I'd express some words out loud to the Lord but generally it was just really, really, quiet. This is what I had planned for, hoped for, but actually it was "quiet" confronting.

And there in the silence the Lord was wanting to meet with me. He spoke to me from the story of Hagar and the story of Jacob. Hagar announces "I have seen the One who sees me". That was the challenge to me from the Lord. Even in the quiet I was tempted to fill the space with activity, reading, music etc but just to be still in His presence was such a privilege. One night was actually cold (even though it is summer) so I got the fire going and that was pretty special. I was planning on an early night, but then realised the logs were going to burn for a few hours, so I just sat there and enjoyed God's word and his presence till midnight.

I topped off my retreat by calling in to see my spiritual dad (BW) who now lives in Bowral. It was such a blessing to have that fellowship on my inaugural sabbatical retreat to dig an ancient well so to speak and then drive home refreshed and invigorated in spirit.

Thanks for your support and prayers.

A week in the kitchen

Ok, this will have to be quick...The last instruction on the back of the beef strog recipe mix was, 'cover and simmer for 20 minutes'. In the background I hear the rice turning around in the microwave oven. Ah, the sounds of the kitchen!

Confession: the kitchen is an unfamiliar and scary place for me.

Sabbatical Resolution: to conquer this fear and become a more helpful person generally.

The meals I have cooked in 48 years are so few and far between that I used to take pictures of the meals I've cooked. In 25 years of marriage I have endeavoured to be helpful in the kitchen, but would never venture to take initiative. It's not that my lovely wife wouldn't have welcomed such a move, it's more that the rules of engagement (mostly unspoken) were that Kath would cover off the shopping and the cooking and I would...now, let me see, I would...help her open email attachments - something, like that anyway.

So anyway, 6 days ago, I, with my son and daughter's assistance, (I know, it's quite pathetic really) drew up a menu list for the week, wrote a list of ingredients, and for the first time in my life(!!) did a weeks shopping for my family. We then dived into Coles and did a few laps and felt quite out of breath by about lap two. I could tell some funny stories at this point, but lets just say I survived the experience. I am now here to report that nigh on a week has passed and the Freestones have eaten well and have enjoyed the experience of dad in the kitchen, but that may have been the comedy factor. The only real fail attempt was the Basmati rice. I resisted my wife's simple cooking suggestion for basmati rice and instead went for the more complicated, 'how to make great Basmati rice' found via google. It was dreadful. Looked like glue from 5th class.

I have no particular spiritual reflections on this, except to say, I am appreciating having this opportunity to learn and develop a new skill. A skill that I hope can outlive the novelty of this past week. I'll let you know how it goes.

What does it mean to rest?

One thing I've been reflecting on a fair bit over the last couple of months is: what does it mean to rest? Especially as a "church worker" or "pastor" what does rest look like? Jesus said, 'my Father is always working and I too am working'. We know Jesus withdrew from the crowds and had times of refreshment, so it makes me think what then does God want me to rest from. As I've contemplated this I have felt the Lord say in simplicity, 'just do what I show you to do' and 'just say what I give you to say'.

It's been interesting being on holidays in New Zealand. You go around quite a bit and you meet lots of people and often times you are asked, 'so what do you do back home?' Sometimes I have sidestepped giving a straight answer, other times I have been happy to say, 'I pastor a church'. One time I said, 'I help people out' and promptly changed the topic. It's not that I am shy about answering that question or worried about what people think, it's just that I really don't want to be drawn into a discussion about my "work". Neither do I want to talk about their work quite frankly. But at the same time I want to be faithful in being a witness to Jesus and eager to share my faith as God gives the opportunity. This has been a bit of dilemma.

But as I've thought more about that phrase, 'my Father is always working' I've become more comfortable about the fact that the Lord has things for me to do and to say even when I am not 'working'. Confused? Me too! But I found myself more open in the second half of my time in New Zealand for God to use me. I ended up in a number of conversations where it was quite natural to talk about the Lord, listen to people's personal problems and discuss possible steps forward; conversations, which in the normal course of life might be considered 'work'. In fact I expect that several of these encounters will continue as strong relationships in the years to come.

I have also found myself quite motivated to catch up with a few people in particular on my return to Sydney, in order to fan into flame what God is doing in their life. The important thing for me in all this is to be led of the Spirit. He is always working and even in rest God is wanting to work through me and use me for His purposes and I am now much more open to that in this season of 'rest' than I was before.

A Whole New way of walking (Part B)

Last time I blogged I was giving some thought to the difference between this round of trekking and the last time I did it three years ago. The latter being so much more difficult than this time round. What follows are some musings about some possible spiritual parallels, at least for me.

This time I reduced the weight of my pack. Stepping out of my normal existence and routine these last 6 weeks has given me space to think about what I carry around in my heart, head and time in my average week. Stopping doing things, that is 'emptying my pack' from all the stuff I was carrying around, has allowed me to think in a fresh way about what are the burdens (tasks/callings) God wants me to bear and which are the things he wants me to lay aside. His yoke is easy and his burden is light which doesn't mean that it's all going to be skipping through the daisies but there is a knowing that what you have taken on in life is what God wants you to be doing. Around 3 weeks ago I was in Tekapo, in New Zealands South Island and I had a dream. (Interestingly, I found out later that Tekapo has a worldwide reputation among astronomers as a place with very low atmospheric interference, a place where you see things that are normally not visible at night.) That night in my Tekapo dream I saw 'three essentials' that I was to carry in my ministry. (But that's another blog!)

This time I bought walking poles. I guess for me using poles represents humility. It represents looking beyond my own capacity to support myself and leaning more on outside assistance. Pride and independence have kept me at times from seeking wisdom and support from others as my preferred style is to find my own way in life. Things like reading Christian biographies, engaging a spiritual mentor, and enrolling in a theological degree have helped to place me more strongly under and alongside the wisdom and support of others. This is providing a greater balance, stability and rhythm in my spiritual walk.

This time I slowed down. 3 years ago when I did these walks I pushed myself too hard. I was 'destination orientated', not 'journey orientated'. I took few stops, and those I did take were short. Stopping and talking to people walking in the other direction was kept to a minimum. The parallel here is fairly obvious. This 8 month period of extended leave, 4 months of which is intentional sabbatical, is about 'slowing down'. It is about accepting my stage in life and pacing myself accordingly, allowing more time for reading, writing and reflection so that I might wisely engage in the next season of life and have plenty to offer to others along the way.

This time I stretched. The discipline of daily stretching worked wonders on the walk and I am conscious that my daily spiritual disciplines, particularly as I get older, needs to not only be maintained but increased. Over the next few years I plan to discover more of what it means to daily meditate on God's word, more of what it means to come daily into God's presence in listening and in prayer and more of what it means to serve others daily in simple ways. It might sound 'basic', but for the work God has for me to do these daily spiritual stretches are essential and will help me to stay supple and responsive to God.

This time the conditions were favorable. Basically, it hardly rained meaning the demands on the body were not as intense making walking easier and pausing to stop pleasurable. This is the one factor out of the above 5 that I could not control. The weather did what the weather did and no action on my part, however helpful, could influence the weather. It reminds me that there are aspects to my journey in life and my spiritual walk that are totally out of my control and often beyond my comprehension to understand. I can do all I can do to be wise in the way I live but ultimately my life is in the hands of a great and gracious God. When life throws up its array of unexpected events, complexities and storms, I need to put my trust in him.

Ian