One thing that I've been doing in my times with the Lord is paraphrasing Paul's letters. I started out doing Philippians just for interest, but then got this crazy idea to do all of his letters. So far I've done Romans, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians and Colossians. Still a way to go, but I'm getting there.
The reason I started was entirely personal. For me, expressing the Bible in my own words helps me to really grapple with the meaning of what is being said. Doing this has shown me how often I skip over a verse here or there, see the words, but not really wrestle with understanding it. In paraphrasing it in my own words I can't do that.
My particular interest has been Paul's letters. Here is a pastor writing letters to churches and as a pastor I've approached the text thinking 'how would I express it if I was saying that?' Philippians was demanding, but I thought if I'm going to be doing all of Paul's letters then I need to be able to do Romans. So that was next. That took me a long time. Some days I'd only do four or five verses in an hour.
Here's an example of what I came up with for the end part of Romans 7:
"The sinful nature within me is ruling over me and squeezing out whatever good that might be there. I think to myself, "ok, I am going to do this good thing, or that good thing', so my mind is thinking all the right things, but then it's like something just takes over and I find myself doing evil. There is a master controller living within me called the sinful nature and he is calling all the shots even though I'm desiring to do good. This gravitational pull towards doing evil when I want to do good is winning the day even though at the core of my being I look at Gods law and say, 'I like that. I'm going to do that'. Nope, right back to where we started, doing what I don't want to do. Help, I feel like there is a war going on within me. I feel like a prisoner to this controlling force. I am totally and absolutely stuffed. I seriously need to be set free from this horrible inner turmoil. Is there anybody who can help me?? Yes, there is! All thanks to God who reaches in and delivers me through Jesus Christ who is Lord of all."
I'm not attempting to do a translation obviously, but on occasions I've gone back to the Greek to check on what commentators say a particular word means. It's interesting how the various English translations have their particular ideas on how the Greek should be translated at different times and I've made my own decisions about certain words or phrases along the way.
As a personal journey I've got so much out of doing this and I've uncovered treasures in God's word that I've never seen before in all my years of reading. In my mind as I've done the paraphrasing I've been thinking not, 'how would I write this?' but 'how would I say this?'
This has been an important part of my 'pre-sabbatical' and I wanted to share it with you.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Walking the Camino
One of the big questions I had both before and after deciding to take leave was, 'what will I do?' Eugene Peterson writes about sabbatical and the need to plan to do what will refresh you. We are all different and are energized by different activities and environments so I have given a lot of thought about that.
One suggestion that came early on was when Kathy bumped into an old friend who had just returned from walking the Camino. This is a collection of walks in Spain, the longest of which starts on the French side of the Pyrenees and finishes up (as all the walks do) at Santiago on the western fringe of northern Spain. It is an ancient journey for Christian pilgrims who have walked the route for hundreds of years to pay their respects to St James who is reportedly buried in the church at Santiago. It is 800km in length and normally takes around 6 weeks to complete. You are walking with backpacks the whole way and staying at 'refugios' (bunk style dorms), that are specifically designed to accommodate the numerous pilgrims who pass through the towns all year round. The idea appealed to Kathy's adventurous spirit and so I did some investigating.
I mentioned the idea in the first meeting I had with my 'sabbatical mentor' (more about him later) and John just happened to have a book on the Camino written by a Catholic sister. It was called, 'Walk in a relaxed manner'. I was starting to feel that maybe God wanted me to do the Camino and continued to pray about it and read the book. To cut a long story short here, after a few more weeks I was pretty convinced that the Camino was not for me this time round. Perhaps I'll do it in the future. But, on another level, the Camino WAS for me.
I ended up with a very clear sense that this period of leave was to be a Camino for me. That I was a pilgrim who was preparing for a significant pilgrimage - a journey into the heart and will of God. A journey of solace, retreat, simplicity, refreshment, and challenge. It was a journey that would demand much, but would reward much. It was a journey that I must prepare for now! In the same way that no one sets out on the Camino without adequate physical preparation, I needed to prepare myself in spirit. I needed to engage in 'sabbatical disciplines' now. The three practical ways in which I have seen God preparing me during 2011 are firstly by getting away for a couple of days each month. Even if that has involved 'work' in some respects, I have found God has used those away times to refresh and guide. Secondly, reading Christian biographies. I've managed to read a new one about once a fortnight and have been so encouraged in my walk as a result. (I've had to eliminate TV to do this, apart from news and sport of course!). Thirdly, rediscovering an extended early morning time with God each day, involving bible reading, prayer and journalling). The interesting upshot of all this of course, is I feel so much more refreshed now, and I haven't even started sabbatical! It encourages me to know that I can find renewal even in the hurly burly of life's demands and a full workload.
God has a Camino for me to walk. Some parts of it will actually involve some arduous physical walking, some parts will involve staying in places of refuge, some of it will involve extended prayer, bible reading, and solitude. Some of it will involve community and celebration. 'Walk in a relaxed manner' was such an important book for me to read. It prepared me for what is ahead in Gods journey and I pray that by Gods grace I can be in the best place physically and spiritually to enter into that Camino. It is a journey that God wants me on for the rest of my life so I need an open heart and spirit to receive.
One suggestion that came early on was when Kathy bumped into an old friend who had just returned from walking the Camino. This is a collection of walks in Spain, the longest of which starts on the French side of the Pyrenees and finishes up (as all the walks do) at Santiago on the western fringe of northern Spain. It is an ancient journey for Christian pilgrims who have walked the route for hundreds of years to pay their respects to St James who is reportedly buried in the church at Santiago. It is 800km in length and normally takes around 6 weeks to complete. You are walking with backpacks the whole way and staying at 'refugios' (bunk style dorms), that are specifically designed to accommodate the numerous pilgrims who pass through the towns all year round. The idea appealed to Kathy's adventurous spirit and so I did some investigating.
I mentioned the idea in the first meeting I had with my 'sabbatical mentor' (more about him later) and John just happened to have a book on the Camino written by a Catholic sister. It was called, 'Walk in a relaxed manner'. I was starting to feel that maybe God wanted me to do the Camino and continued to pray about it and read the book. To cut a long story short here, after a few more weeks I was pretty convinced that the Camino was not for me this time round. Perhaps I'll do it in the future. But, on another level, the Camino WAS for me.
I ended up with a very clear sense that this period of leave was to be a Camino for me. That I was a pilgrim who was preparing for a significant pilgrimage - a journey into the heart and will of God. A journey of solace, retreat, simplicity, refreshment, and challenge. It was a journey that would demand much, but would reward much. It was a journey that I must prepare for now! In the same way that no one sets out on the Camino without adequate physical preparation, I needed to prepare myself in spirit. I needed to engage in 'sabbatical disciplines' now. The three practical ways in which I have seen God preparing me during 2011 are firstly by getting away for a couple of days each month. Even if that has involved 'work' in some respects, I have found God has used those away times to refresh and guide. Secondly, reading Christian biographies. I've managed to read a new one about once a fortnight and have been so encouraged in my walk as a result. (I've had to eliminate TV to do this, apart from news and sport of course!). Thirdly, rediscovering an extended early morning time with God each day, involving bible reading, prayer and journalling). The interesting upshot of all this of course, is I feel so much more refreshed now, and I haven't even started sabbatical! It encourages me to know that I can find renewal even in the hurly burly of life's demands and a full workload.
God has a Camino for me to walk. Some parts of it will actually involve some arduous physical walking, some parts will involve staying in places of refuge, some of it will involve extended prayer, bible reading, and solitude. Some of it will involve community and celebration. 'Walk in a relaxed manner' was such an important book for me to read. It prepared me for what is ahead in Gods journey and I pray that by Gods grace I can be in the best place physically and spiritually to enter into that Camino. It is a journey that God wants me on for the rest of my life so I need an open heart and spirit to receive.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Just take the first step
It might seem strange to say, but in the end, the decision to take extended leave, including a sabbatical, came down to one of obedience.
For about 2 years I had nurtured a wish to have time out from busy-ness in order to reflect and recreate but two things worked against me in my mind. The first was practical. The second was psychological. On the practical side was money, kids and church. That is,
'how would I afford it?'
'What would happen to the kids, particularly if I decided to be out of country for any length of time?'
and, 'could I get away from church?'
Of these, the one that concerned me the most was the kids. Our eldest was finishing the final years of school and I just couldn't get my head around how I could be away from home for any length of time. Even with school finishing, what guidance and support would be needed by me? How could I commit to being away at any point if I might end up needing to be around? Besides, even if I took leave I had no idea what that would look like, how long it would be, what activities I would be doing and where I would be! It all just seemed too much to figure out. I remember getting to the end of 2010 and being a bit resentful and disappointed inside. It seemed my life was based around making sure other people's needs were provided for but I felt I had needs of my own that I was neglecting. I felt a bit ripped off. But I also felt trapped and couldn't see a way out.
But as I say, in the end, it came down to obedience. I'd had a few of those Holy Spirit type moments in February and March this year where I felt God giving me a strong push that the time was now, but still the questions loomed. Kathy and I took a couple of days out in March and we just laid it all out before the Lord - all the questions. It was as if the Lord was saying, 'give me your doubts and fears and just trust me'. So that's what we did.
I mentioned there was a psychological barrier to this process as well. It went basically along the lines of, 'what gives you the right to have time out, no one else gets that privilege, just man up and get over it.' In summary, I felt like I wanted, even needed, a break, but that it was selfish. There was only one way this whole thing was going to come together and that was if I heard from God.
All of the big decisions I've had to make in my life, and even some of the 'smaller' ones, I have made them because of a strong leading from the Lord. When he speaks, (which for me comes as a strong inner certainty), I then have a rock solid confidence to step out, to trust and to attempt things I otherwise wouldn't. And in the end, this is how God met me on the issue of taking leave. It was in April, and very clearly into my spirit was the sense, 'take the first step'. Over 30 years I have grown to know that voice so I knew it was God and in that moment all the questions and obstacles in my head were silenced and I was able to 'decide' to take a break. Guilt and fear were dissolved by God's word. Although the questions remained, the decision had been made and, over the course of the next few months, the detail started to fall into place. For that I am very thankful to God. It was also hugely encouraging to have the support of my family, friends, and church community to confirm me in the direction that I was taking.
'I am in this, trust me, take a step.' Sounds so simple, and in some ways it is now, but it took me a long while getting there. On reflection, God's timing is absolutely perfect.
For about 2 years I had nurtured a wish to have time out from busy-ness in order to reflect and recreate but two things worked against me in my mind. The first was practical. The second was psychological. On the practical side was money, kids and church. That is,
'how would I afford it?'
'What would happen to the kids, particularly if I decided to be out of country for any length of time?'
and, 'could I get away from church?'
Of these, the one that concerned me the most was the kids. Our eldest was finishing the final years of school and I just couldn't get my head around how I could be away from home for any length of time. Even with school finishing, what guidance and support would be needed by me? How could I commit to being away at any point if I might end up needing to be around? Besides, even if I took leave I had no idea what that would look like, how long it would be, what activities I would be doing and where I would be! It all just seemed too much to figure out. I remember getting to the end of 2010 and being a bit resentful and disappointed inside. It seemed my life was based around making sure other people's needs were provided for but I felt I had needs of my own that I was neglecting. I felt a bit ripped off. But I also felt trapped and couldn't see a way out.
But as I say, in the end, it came down to obedience. I'd had a few of those Holy Spirit type moments in February and March this year where I felt God giving me a strong push that the time was now, but still the questions loomed. Kathy and I took a couple of days out in March and we just laid it all out before the Lord - all the questions. It was as if the Lord was saying, 'give me your doubts and fears and just trust me'. So that's what we did.
I mentioned there was a psychological barrier to this process as well. It went basically along the lines of, 'what gives you the right to have time out, no one else gets that privilege, just man up and get over it.' In summary, I felt like I wanted, even needed, a break, but that it was selfish. There was only one way this whole thing was going to come together and that was if I heard from God.
All of the big decisions I've had to make in my life, and even some of the 'smaller' ones, I have made them because of a strong leading from the Lord. When he speaks, (which for me comes as a strong inner certainty), I then have a rock solid confidence to step out, to trust and to attempt things I otherwise wouldn't. And in the end, this is how God met me on the issue of taking leave. It was in April, and very clearly into my spirit was the sense, 'take the first step'. Over 30 years I have grown to know that voice so I knew it was God and in that moment all the questions and obstacles in my head were silenced and I was able to 'decide' to take a break. Guilt and fear were dissolved by God's word. Although the questions remained, the decision had been made and, over the course of the next few months, the detail started to fall into place. For that I am very thankful to God. It was also hugely encouraging to have the support of my family, friends, and church community to confirm me in the direction that I was taking.
'I am in this, trust me, take a step.' Sounds so simple, and in some ways it is now, but it took me a long while getting there. On reflection, God's timing is absolutely perfect.
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